Hello.
You have someone who loves you.
Aren't you thankful?

.Nice to see you here.
.Gin Ming/Ren Ming,whichever is easier for you.
.29th December 1994.
.Epee fencer
.Loves God.
.Art.
And collects notebooks.

Hello world!

I just returned from a happy dinner with some of the R11/12 youths from batok and gombak.Heh.

Although come to think of it,I did feel a sense of fierce-ness after dinner,because a lady was clearing the trays and I offered to help her,but because the bin was too full some of the rubbish toppled out and it sort of made things worse.And she scolded me saying 'EHY YOU HELP THINGS GET WORSE!'.As much as I saw how irritated she was,I did feel offended.

Once again I felt that fierce-ness rising up within me wanting to scream my guts out at her,a fierce-ness that wanted to lecture all the white hair out of her and just sting her.

But I held back,although I did give the offended look.And I went and leaned on my brother for that comfort of a sibling to cool myself down.I don't even know that I could actually be this horrific inside when I get irritated.Goodness.I need to have more love towards the community.

But I did have a great time talking to the youths about lame jokes.Love them :D

God bless!

Hello world!

Its amazing how God's been faithful,really.Today was pretty much fantastic,other than the usually rather boring lessons.Heh.

Today I had a good day in training,and Henry gave me the nickname of Miss 'Miss'. He said that I showcased the most spectacular missing hits in fencing,like just as I deliver a very nice attack,with the blade well bound and all,suddenly,I miss the target.One time I really did a nice attack and I missed,I got hit by my opponent and I turned around and went 'ARRRGHHHHH CRAPPPP!!!!!'. Hahaha whoops. Coach Henry went 'AIYYYYAHHHH GIN MING WHY YOU MISS!?!?'.

Oh yes,I'm the most amazing 'misser' of all times.Haha.

God blessed today much,of which,I'm truly thankful for (:

God bless!
Hello world!

The days seem to get better by whole chunks.Strange analogy,describing days by chunks.But yes,they are getting much better.Something to thank God for(:

So so,I have yet to find corn to pop.Heh.

I'm looking forward to lovelier days ahead.

God bless!
Hello world!

For some strange reason today I felt like buying some un-popped popcorn and go pop them myself.I'd like to pop my own corn,and I've always been fascinated and amused at the cinema corn-poppers.I'd watch all the corn pop out of the bag,and rain down into the box or whatever,like heavy snow.I've always found it very entertaining :D Heh.

I've been looking through my album of my collection of children photos on facebook recently,and it always somehow,bring a cheer on my face,be it small or big,it still does.So I'll show you just a few good ones and too have good quality.

This is Chen Ying,and she makes lots of adorable faces from time to time.

This is Baby Rick.I've also found out that he likes to make funny faces.

Here's Sam and Baby Abigail!Such a cheeky shot huh(:

The VERY VERY VERY handsome Ashton.Isn't he a heart melter?

And Noah.I love the way he smiles.

Aren't children just some of the greatest blessings of the world?They're so little,and so small,but yet,sometimes they're the ones that give you the biggest smile and the ones that make your heart feel all toasty warm.

I do love children,yes I do.Although it isn't my calling to serve in C.W ministry,but I still love children.

They're cute,they're innocent,and they just let you remember how it was like for you at their age.They come to you,requesting for a hug/that you carry them in your arms,or they come and ask you for help in the tiniest of things,such as opening a candy wrapper or so.

They just crave that love instead of anything else material,and love the simplest of things.That's how children are like.

Why have we forgotten?

God bless(:

Hello world!

My left arm/shoulder has been feeling cranky this whole day,it feels as if its going to dislocate any moment.As if just any gentle knock on it is enough for it to go 'CRAKK!!!' and the whole bone would dislocate out of my shoulder.Meep.

Oh well.It'll get better I suppose,by itself,and like all my other injuries have.

I'm usually pretty fascinated by how injuries heal by themselves,especially skin and flesh. How they can form back into dry skin into all that structure and patterns,all by itself!Cool,when you actually think about it.God's so creative :D

Alright,just for no particular reason I shall now go cook pasta.Heh.

God bless!
Hello world!

Days have been getting better,and I believe,all by God's grace.Of which,I thank him for.

Sometimes,I'm so relaxed and at ease with what I have,and what I'm blessed with.I have a family,although we fight,that loves each other,I have beautiful friends,and I have a home,and I know Jesus.

I can't ask for more.

When I think of it,I'm really amazed at how God is willing to bless me and already has,and although I'm so undeserving,he is willing.I serve a beautiful God.He welcomes me home with open arms,and he'll tell me,'I love you'.

Now that is amazing.

Oh the weather outside is frightful,
But the fire is so delightful,
And since we've no place to go,
Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!

It doesn't show signs of Pauseping,
And I've bought some corn for popping,
The lights are turned way down low,
Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!

When we finally kiss goodnight,
How I'll hate going out in the storm!
But if you'll really hold me tight,
All the way home I'll be warm.

The fire is slowly dying,
And, my dear, we're still good-bying,
But as long as you love me so,
Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!

I love that.

God bless!
Hello world!

Today I spent 3 hours painting 'The Scream-1893' on the toilet door today in school.And its not done yet,I still have to add on more layers of paint.Painting on toilet doors really need super thick layers of paint.And the acrylic paint smelt very very very poisonous.I think it cut short my life by 5 years.Heh.Now I have flu.

Well well.Tomorrow is my referee written examination.I'm going to die.

And I have yet to figure out how to get to Tradehub21,finish my art coursework compositions,and revise my referee notes.Okay.I better start work.

God bless!
Just for that 5 minutes.

I felt the surge of anger and ferociousness rising up within me,like a fire and a inner beast that was about to roar and kill with all its sharp teeth showing like long knives.

For that 5 minutes,I have never felt so vicious and so bitter that I could scream and wanted to break glass and smash them all against walls and tear the living day lights out of people.

I felt as if with my own bare hands I could scar a face and I could brutally rip out skin and flesh.

And 5 minutes was over.And I felt rather wheezy.The anger started to fade and the beast shrunk.What was that?

Its as if I just saw what was inside of me when I get fuming mad.All that hatred.All that bitterness.All that ferociousness.I no longer saw myself,I saw evil.

Now that's going to change.

Hello world!

Well today was rather tiring.But I did have quite an enjoyable day.

School was as per normal,there were normal lessons.But I was haunted with the fear of failing 3 subjects.Haha.I'm sure I would pull through,somehow.

Then I went for training with my team.Although I didn't exactly train because I was required to rest,as the doctor instructed.So I took many many photos of my team playing ball.It was fun.

And so now I stay at home and take a little breather.And after I upload some photos I'll continue on my homework of a summary,filing of my Chinese file,and doing some more sketches of my art research.

Random,but I absolutely cannot wait for the day where I can turn up in a formal event in a tuxedo/men formal wear.Heh.

God bless!
Hello world!

I'm a lot happier than usual today,I thank God that I've pretty much bounced back to my normal self,just for today,and hopefully for the rest of the week too(:

This morning I felt rather breathless in class for strange reasons,but recovered after recess.I don't think I can train tomorrow.

I've finally watched V for Vendetta!It was AMAZING.I want to fight like V.Hahaha.

God bless(:

Hello world.

Its Monday and I've started out droopier than ever,not going to school this morning due to headaches and bloody(literally bloody)coughs,have my mom lecture me about almost everything and anything,and resulting in crying on my bed for about half and hour till the tears all dried up.

I haven't cried that hard for more than half a year already.

I don't know,but sometimes I really do need my mother's motherly support.She doesn't seen to get so.Although I'm a tomboy and although I'm usually independent and don't like to lean on people,I do feel that as my mother,she should be the one who I trust and would listen to me.But its different,she won't listen to me,and I feel like I can't tell her anything personal.

Because I knew even if I told her anything,she wouldn't understand.I know shes wiser than me,and I know that she has been through life more than I have.However,whenever I do tell her something,she'd end up giving me another lecture,instead of assuring me that she'd be there for me.She would lecture me before I even finished my sentence.And yet,I know that she loves me,but just unable to hear out what I have in mind.

Oh yes,whatever I just said has truly sounded gay.I feel like I'm in a stupid channel U drama serial.Haha.

But truly in times like this God is all I can rely on.I'm thankful that hes always there,that he's always by my side to see me through.I remember the last trial he saw me through,and as sure as ever,he would see me through this one.

Through this,I'm sure I'll come out stronger,more matured and even more filled with confidence and strength.I thank God for all that's coming.

God I thank and praise you.
Greetings world.

This has by far been one of the most exhausting and life draining weekends.

Yesterday,I coughed out blood during dinner.Today,I broke down during morning service and this evening I was emotionally hurt and got a headache.

My brother didn't help with his sarcasm and I slapped him right across the cheek(he didn't mind though).And when I tried asking my mother for a break,she only scolded me saying that whatever I'm going through now is entirely my fault.

Not that I really want to say this but,I'm coughing blood already.At times like this,I want God to just take me home.

But I know I can't,I still have much to accomplish in life for him,and I can't give up.

Sometimes,I really feel that to get the motherly comfort and support,I might actually need get a fever high enough to scorch my brains out or break all the bones in my body.Everytime I fall sick,my mom would always blame it on me,saying that I sleep too late,etc.When actually I need that moral support from her,me so desperately wanting to know that she cares,although its definitely not showing.

When I half sprained my ankle and couldn't walk down the stairs properly,I asked if I could see the doctor,and she replied:

'See doctor no need money ah.'

And that broke me,it felt as if that money was worth more than my health.And its been going over and over again.

God,I need you so so much now.

I thank God that he has sent angels like Hannah and Daniel who are always there for me,who would love me as a friend even when all else fails.I thank you two for that.I really appreciate that you guys still care for me,even with your personal trouble in life.

God,I trust you.Please.Please help me.

God bless!
You know,sometimes I sit there and I watch people around me get hurt over and over again.

And I go over,I be there for them,advice them,comfort them.And I see them fighting that hurt.It sort of kills me too.

Inside,I want to go there and shield them,fight for them and love them.I want to see them through.I want to go through the storm with them,let them know that they are not alone,that I'll be next to them,no matter what happens.

I won't sit there and watch anymore.
hello world!

I shall alas clarify that Daniel and I are just friends for goodness sake.The whole world keeps thinking that we crush on each other.No we do not.We just are good friends,really.

Alright,maybe sometimes I forget that I'm a girl and go all rowdy and stuff.But honestly,there is absolutely NOTHING going on with me and Daniel.Nothing at all.So,please don't mistake.Haha.

I had cafe duty today.It was fun I suppose,I gain greatly from edge service and the joy of ministry.Thank God for that(:

God bless!

Hello world!

You know something,I was so grossed out by my previous previous previous post that I deleted it.It was not myself at all.How on EARTH did I get myself into that state!?Whatever happened last week,its history and I'll leave it be.No point going oh-I'm-so-sad-and-hurt-and-oh-so-disgusting-petty-drama nonsense.WHAT WAS I THINKING!

I promise that I shall never ever ever EVER let my emotions overwhelm me again.

So,anyway today was the countdown to YOG,and I had a hefty good time.

God bless!

Hello world!

Okay.Now that I've posted my two previous posts,I shall stop being a wussy and complain about all this lovey wovey oh I'm so hurt poppycock rubbish.Gee.Although I honestly felt that way,I shall be more firm instead of being hurt and sad.That wouldn't get me anywhere.And if all else fails,I have Jesus :D

So,even as this weekend approaches,I'll take it on bravely like a man (although I'm not)and just go all out for Jesus instead of focusing on all this hurt rubbish.I hate being emotional.I gross out at myself whenever I do so,and my tough side would look at my softer side that gets hurt and sticks its tongue out at it.Yes,personally I find getting overly emotional DISGUSTING.And oh my word,for the past 2 days I've been stuck in this oh-my-word-I'm-loving-someone-that-hurts-me-aww-so-sad RUBBISH.

OH MY WORD HUANG REN MING WHAT ARE YOU DOING.

As much as I love someone I SHALL UTTERLY REFUSE to let it drive me and go all emo and all that rotten pancake rubbish.So,I decided that from today onwards I'll have reasonable emotions,mature emotions that wouldn't drive me insane.Jesus help me :D

I'm going to be a less emotional Ren Ming.I'm going to be a reasonably emotional Ren Ming.

God bless!
Thanks to those who cared for me.I really appreciate you guys lots(:

But still to you,if you really really think that what you and I have been through as friends is worth less than a scolding,then I'm speechless.

Think about it.All those times we laughed together,all those times you felt sad and I put that smile back on your face,and that time I risked a scolding to see you smile again.That's worth less than a scolding?

God bless(:
I shall now proceed to reading 69 pages of fencing referee rules for the training seminar tomorrow xD

God bless!
Dear Lord,thank you for showing and telling me something today.

And tonight even when I hit the sack and rest my pile of exhausted and 0.000001% broken bones I'll remember you and how much you love me.And I'll remember that I too love you.

Thank you Lord(:
Hello world!

I just finished training and took a quick shower as I got home,and I honestly feel like just dying in my bed now.Just slip under those comfy covers and fall asleep.Summing it up,I'm EXHAUSTED.

And I have art coursework and graded assignments to complete.I need to do about 7 more sketches today.*dies*

God please help me!I need your strength so so bad.

God bless!(:
Hello world!

Its amazing how simple friendly,joyful and happy actions can make people happy happy.

For me personally,I love it when people say hi to me and do silly actions to me,and include me in things.I like it when I'm maybe just walking past and someone would go 'Hello Gin Ming!'.Or maybe someone would poke me or hit me on the shoulder just to say hi.Or maybe,someone when about to leave,would say to me 'hey! Lets go off.'

These little actions mean a lot to me.Usually they don't mean a lot to many others,but I really really like it when people do that.I don't know why.I just do.Hahaha.

God bless!

'So do we look alike Xiong?'I asked my brother.
'I dunno.' he said.
We both stared into the mirror and made silly faces.
'Its the eyes.' Smiled my brother.
'Yup,it is.'